Out of Respect

(via Morning Sedition)

Many of you may know that the Rev. Jerry Falwell is in critical condition with his second bout of viral pneumonia in five weeks. Granted, any time you mention Jerry Falwell, one feels compelled to denounce the hateful, violent rhetoric he has engaged in for the past 40 years and point out the money he’s made off the intolerance of others, but that will have to be saved for another time. Out of respect for another human being who is critically ill, we devote the remainder of today’s blog entry to Reverend Falwell, in his own words:

On 9-11:
“I put all the blame legally and morally on the actions of the terrorist, [but America’s] secular and anti-Christian environment left us open to our Lord’s [decision] not to protect. When a nation deserts God and expels God from the culture … the result is not good… The abortionists have got to bear some burden for this because God will not be mocked. And when we destroy 40 million little innocent babies, we make God mad. I really believe that the pagans, and the abortionists, and the feminists, and the gays and the lesbians who are actively trying to make that an alternative lifestyle, the ACLU, People for the American Way — all of them who have tried to secularize America — I point the finger in their face and say, ‘You helped this happen.’” – 9/13/01, on The 700 Club with Pat Robertson

On homosexuality:
“Militant homosexuals are plotting a dangerously different future for America… Militant homosexuals plan to take over both major political parties. Militant homosexuals plan to force every major American corporation to set official policies giving them favored job status . . . to pass laws forcing churches and Christian schools to hire homosexuals and lesbians even if they flaunt their life style.” – Washington Post, 9/27/84

On separation of church and state:
“The idea that religion and politics don’t mix was invented by the Devil to keep Christians from running their own country.” – NYTimes, 5/25/86

On segregation:
“The true Negro does not want integration. He realizes his potential is far better among his own race. Who then is propagating this terrible thing? First of all, we see the hand of Moscow in the background . . .” – 1958 sermon

Get well soon, Jerry.


Doctor Blue Box


Doctor

Doctor Who? –
… do you know this man? Contact Clive here.


I’m curious as to whether there will be a spike in the number of people searching for Doctor Blue Box because of the new Doctor Who.


Star Wars is adolescent nonsense; Close Encounters is obscurantist drivel; Star Trek can turn your brains to puree of bat guano; and the greatest science fiction series of all time is Doctor Who! And I’ll take you all on, one-by-one or all in a bunch to back it up!
— Harlan Ellison

The TRUE ending to “The Empire Strikes Back”

(via email)

A furious lightsaber duel is underway. DARTH VADER is backing LUKE SKYWALKER towards the end of the gantry. A quick move by Vader, chops off Luke’s hand! It goes spinning off into the ventilation shaft. Luke backs away. He looks around, but realizes there’s nowhere to go but straight down.

Darth Vader: Obi-Wan never told you what happened to your father.

Luke: He told me enough! He told me you killed him!

Darth Vader: No… I am your father!

Luke: No, it’s not true! That’s impossible!

Darth Vader: Search your feelings… you know it to be true…

Luke: NO!

Darth Vader: Yes, it is true.. and you know what else? You know that brass droid of yours?

Luke: Threepio?

Darth Vader: Yes… Threepio… I built him… when I was 7 years old…

Luke: No…

Darth Vader: Seven years old! And what have you done? Look at yourself, no hand, no job, and couldn’t even levitate your own ship out of the swamp…

Luke: I destroyed your precious Death Star!

Darth Vader: When you were 20! When I was 10, I single-handedly destroyed a Trade Federation Droid Control ship!

Luke: Well, it’s not my fault…

Darth Vader: Oh, here we go… “Poor me… my father never gave me what I wanted for my birthday… boo hoo, my daddy’s the Dark Lord of the Sith… waahhh wahhh!”

Luke: Shut up…

Darth Vader: You’re a slacker! By the time I was your age, I had exterminated the Jedi knights!

Luke: I used to race my T-16 through Beggar’s Canyon!

Darth Vader: Oh, for the love of the Emperor… 10 years old, winner of the Boonta Eve Open… Only human to ever fly a pod racer… right here, baby!

Luke looks down the shaft. Takes a step towards it.

Darth Vader: I was wrong… You’re not my kid… I don’t know whose you are, but you sure ain’t mine…

Luke takes a step off the platform, hesitates, then plunges down the shaft. Darth Vader looks after him.

Darth Vader: And get a haircut, you look like a girl!


Lucas calls new ‘Star Wars’ a Titanic tearjerker

Bring Kleenex to Star Wars finale:

“It’s not like the first one. It’s more emotional,” said the director of the upcoming space adventure Star Wars: Episode III — Revenge of the Sith, which arrives in North American theatres on May 19.

“I describe it as a Titanic in space. It’s a real tearjerker, and it will be received in a way that none of us can expect,” he told theatre owners at the ShoWest convention.

I’m sure the new Star Wars will be a titanic something. I did weep a bit over the 133 minutes of my life lost watching Star Wars: Episode I – The Phantom Menace .

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