Happy Thanksgiving

Grumpy Thanksgiving

Top Ten Thanksgiving Movies in Times Square

  1. Turkey Sluts

  2. The Pantsless Pilgrim

  3. Debbie Does the Old Plymouth Colony

  4. Jurassic Pork

  5. Eat This

  6. Candy and Her Yams

  7. The Master Baster

  8. Three Men and a Drumstick

  9. Stuffing Miss Daisy

  10. Butterballs

— David Letterman

If you’re at a Thanksgiving dinner, but you don’t like the stuffing or the cranberry sauce or anything else, just pretend like you’re eating it, but instead, put it all in your lap and form it into a big mushy ball. Then, later, when you’re out back having cigars with the boys, let out a big fake cough and throw the ball to the ground. Then say, “Boy, these are good cigars!”
— Jack Handey

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In the name of our Lord Baphomet, I wish you tidings

Now that Joe Biden has won, it is illegal to say the words "Merry Christmas." If you wish to greet someone during the month of December, you must say "In the name of our Lord Baphomet, I wish you tidings."Violators will be fined.— Ian Millhiser (@imillhiser) November 7, 2020