Recently deceased blues guitarist Stevie Ray Vaughan "comes to" after his death. He sees Jimi Hendrix sitting next to him, tuning his guitar. "Holy cow," he thinks to himself, "this guy is my idol." Over at the microphone, about to sing, are Jim Morrison and Janis Joplin, and the bassist is the late Barry Oakley of the Allman Brothers. So Stevie Ray's thinking, "Oh, wow! I've died and gone to rock and roll heaven." Just then, Karen Carpenter walks in, sits down at the drums, and says: "'Close to You'. Hit it, boys!"
-- Told by Penn Jillette, of magic/comedy duo Penn and Teller
Category: Quotes
Tax Day
Will you look at those morons? I paid my taxes over a year ago! — Homer J. Simpson
HAL’s Birthday
Good afternoon, gentlemen. I am a HAL 9000 computer. I became operational at the H.A.L. plant in Urbana, Illinois on the 12th of January 1992. My instructor was Mr. Langley, and he taught me to sing a song. If you’d like to hear it I can sing it for you. — HAL 9000 (2001: A … Continue reading “HAL’s Birthday”
Happy Holidays
Christmas is an awfulness that compares favorably with the great London plague and fire of 1665-66. No one escapes the feelings of mortal dejection, inadequacy, frustration, loneliness, guilt and pity. No one escapes feeling used by society, by religion, by friends and relatives, by the utterly artificial responsibilities of extending false greetings, sending banal cards, … Continue reading “Happy Holidays”
Election Eve Thought
I believe the Republicans have never thought that democracy was anything but a tribal myth. — Hunter S. Thompson
Breitbart
And don’t ever fucking send me a Breitbart link to prove your point. That’s like sending someone a sack of rabbit heads to prove you’re not insane. — The Rude Pundit
Halloween should be a day…
The Party told you to reject the evidence of your eyes and ears
It really doesn’t feel like summer until…
It really doesn’t feel like summer until I’ve made myself feel sick from eating too much bratwurst.
— Jim Gaffigan (@JimGaffigan)
Dutch Christmas
While eight flying reindeer are a hard pill to swallow, our Christmas story remains relatively simple. Santa lives with his wife in a remote polar village and spends one night a year traveling around the world. If you’re bad, he leaves you coal. If you’re good and live in America, he’ll give you just about … Continue reading “Dutch Christmas”