Here's my card. It's got my cell number, my pager number, my home number and my other pager number. I never take vacations, I never get sick. And I don't celebrate any major holidays.
-- Dwight Kurt Schrute III
Category: Quotes
HAL’s Birthday
Good afternoon, gentlemen. I am a HAL 9000 computer. I became operational at the H.A.L. plant in Urbana, Illinois on the 12th of January 1992. My instructor was Mr. Langley, and he taught me to sing a song. If you’d like to hear it I can sing it for you. — HAL 9000 (2001: A … Continue reading “HAL’s Birthday”
Happy Holidays
Christmas is an awfulness that compares favorably with the great London plague and fire of 1665-66. No one escapes the feelings of mortal dejection, inadequacy, frustration, loneliness, guilt and pity. No one escapes feeling used by society, by religion, by friends and relatives, by the utterly artificial responsibilities of extending false greetings, sending banal cards, … Continue reading “Happy Holidays”
Tax Day
Will you look at those morons? I paid my taxes over a year ago! — Homer J. Simpson
Election Eve Thought
I believe the Republicans have never thought that democracy was anything but a tribal myth. — Hunter S. Thompson
Breitbart
And don’t ever fucking send me a Breitbart link to prove your point. That’s like sending someone a sack of rabbit heads to prove you’re not insane. — The Rude Pundit
Halloween should be a day…
The Party told you to reject the evidence of your eyes and ears
It really doesn’t feel like summer until…
It really doesn’t feel like summer until I’ve made myself feel sick from eating too much bratwurst.
— Jim Gaffigan (@JimGaffigan)
Dutch Christmas
While eight flying reindeer are a hard pill to swallow, our Christmas story remains relatively simple. Santa lives with his wife in a remote polar village and spends one night a year traveling around the world. If you’re bad, he leaves you coal. If you’re good and live in America, he’ll give you just about … Continue reading “Dutch Christmas”