Enjoy your Easter eggs but don’t forget the true meaning behind it all. It’s because Humpty Dumpty died for our sins. Or something like that. — Ricky Gervais (via Facebook)
As all good Christians know, on the third day Jesus emerged from the tomb, appeared before his disciples, squatted and laid a brilliantly colored Easter egg. — Stephen Colbert
March 4th, the only day that is also a sentence.
— John Green
Is it too much to ask to have our Olympians who fail to bring back gold covered in pitch and burned alive for our amusement?
— Michael J. Nelson (via Twitter)
They’re part of America’s past, like buggy-whip makers and the middle class. — Stephen Colbert (on the state of newspapers in America)
There’s a lot of music, and a lot of it isn’t that great, like these boy bands where nobody plays an instrument. Well, we play instruments… so I guess that makes us a man band. — Lenny White (more…)
At some point, Texas schoolbooks are going to be nothing but the Old Testament, a history of the Alamo, and a section on Reagan. — John Cole
“I was just over at Myspace. What a shitty, filthy neighborhood that has become. Street performers, hookers and runaways everywhere.” — Marc Maron (via Twitter)
In the year 3000, Youtube,Twitter and Facebook will merge to form one super time-wasting website called YouTwitFace. — Conan O’Brien Someone has already registered: youtwitface.com youtwitface.net youtwitface.org Damn…