(via email)
| 6:00pm | – | Opening prayer |
| 6:15pm | – | Supplementary opening prayer |
| 6:30pm | – | Prayer in thanks of first two prayers |
| 6:45pm | – | Summary of administration’s energy policy (presented by Exxon) |
| 7:00pm | – | Canonization of Reagan |
| 7:15pm | – | Additional prayers |
| 7:30pm | – | Opening remarks (presented by Halliburton) |
| 8:00pm | – | Prayer for the safety and well-being of Ken “Kenny-boy” Lay |
| 8:15pm | – | Additional remarks (presented by Halliburton) |
| 8:30pm | – | Stoning of the first homosexual |
| 8:45pm | – | New healthcare polices (presented by HMO leader, Kaiser Permanente) |
| 9:00pm | – | Invasion of Iran or North Korea (TBA) |
| 9:15pm | – | Halliburton contributes 1.4 billion to Republican party |
| 9:30pm | – | Reagan elevated to savior, Holy Trinity now referred to as “the quads” |
| 9:45pm | – | Bush undergoes plastic surgery to look more like Reagan |
| 10:00pm | – | Cheney runs into Ron Reagan, Jr., tells him to go f*ck himself |
| 10:15pm | – | Recall of troops from accidental invasion of South Korea (Bush: “Damn, the SOUTH is our ally.) |
| 10:30pm | – | Burning at the stake of 16 year-old Jenny Williams, who had an illegal abortion after being raped by her cousin |
| 10:45pm | – | Dancing around the golden calf |
| 11:00pm | – | Stoning of the partner of the first homosexual |
| 11:15pm | – | New forestry policy (presented by Weyerhauser) |
| 11:45pm | – | Thanking God for his wisdom in choosing Bush as president |
| 12:00pm | – | Closing prayers (lasting until 2:00am) |
| 2:00am | – | Hookers arrive for all delegates |
2 thoughts on “Republican National Convention Schedule”