Geek Pick-up Lines

(via Musings of a Philosophical Scrivener)

Too bad I didn’t know these when I was single…

Geek Pick-up Lines

  1. Tell me of this thing you humans call… [dramatic pause here] love.
  2. If you turn me down now, I will become more drunk than you can possibly imagine.
  3. They don’t call me Bones because I’m a doctor.
  4. Your name is Leslie? Look, I can spell your name on my calculator!
  5. What’s a nice girl like you doing in a wretched hive of scum and villany like this?
  6. You must be Windows 95 because you gots me so unstable.
  7. My ‘up-time’ is better than BSD.
  8. I can tell by your emoticons that you’re looking for some company.
  9. Is that an iPod mini in your pocket or are you just happy to see me.
  10. Want to see my Red Hat?
  11. If you won’t let me buy you a drink, at least let me fix your laptop.

Republican National Convention Schedule

(via email)

6:00pm – Opening prayer
6:15pm – Supplementary opening prayer
6:30pm – Prayer in thanks of first two prayers
6:45pm – Summary of administration’s energy policy (presented by Exxon)
7:00pm – Canonization of Reagan
7:15pm – Additional prayers
7:30pm – Opening remarks (presented by Halliburton)
8:00pm – Prayer for the safety and well-being of Ken “Kenny-boy” Lay
8:15pm – Additional remarks (presented by Halliburton)
8:30pm – Stoning of the first homosexual
8:45pm – New healthcare polices (presented by HMO leader, Kaiser Permanente)
9:00pm – Invasion of Iran or North Korea (TBA)
9:15pm – Halliburton contributes 1.4 billion to Republican party
9:30pm – Reagan elevated to savior, Holy Trinity now referred to as “the quads”
9:45pm – Bush undergoes plastic surgery to look more like Reagan
10:00pm – Cheney runs into Ron Reagan, Jr., tells him to go f*ck himself
10:15pm – Recall of troops from accidental invasion of South Korea (Bush: “Damn, the SOUTH is our ally.)
10:30pm – Burning at the stake of 16 year-old Jenny Williams, who had an illegal abortion after being raped by her cousin
10:45pm – Dancing around the golden calf
11:00pm – Stoning of the partner of the first homosexual
11:15pm – New forestry policy (presented by Weyerhauser)
11:45pm – Thanking God for his wisdom in choosing Bush as president
12:00pm – Closing prayers (lasting until 2:00am)
2:00am – Hookers arrive for all delegates

Can’t fence?

Why would anyone think a Canadian would want to fence 50,000 cans of beer?

(from Reuters)

TORONTO (Reuters) – Somewhere in Canada there are thieves with nearly 50,000 cans of beer they will have a hard time selling, although police said on Thursday the truck driver who disappeared with the loot has been arrested.

The shipment of Moosehead beer, worth over C$75,000 ($57,000), was on its way to Mexico from an East Coast brewery when it went missing, along with the driver.

The transport truck was recovered last week — still running — in Grand Falls, New Brunswick, but with most of its cargo missing.

The 30-year-old driver was picked up in Lindsay, Ontario, about 1,000 miles from Grand Falls. He has been charged with theft but police reported he did not have any beer with him.

The shipment of Moosehead was labeled in English and Spanish for export to Mexico, so it could not be sold in Canada. Nor could it be shipped into or through the United States without proper documentation.

“Its one of these classic, dumb-crook stories,” said Joel Levesque, a spokesman for Moosehead.

“They can’t sell it anywhere in Canada without giving away the immediate fact that it’s been stolen… So we have crooks stuck with 50,000 plus cans of beer that basically they can’t fence.”

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