Yet Another Light Bulb Joke

(printed by fortune in one of my terminal windows today)

Q:

How many crew members of the U.S.S. Enterprise does it take to change a light bulb?

A:

Seven. Scotty has to report to Captain Kirk that the light bulb in the Engineering Section is getting dim, at which point Kirk will send Bones to pronounce the bulb dead (although he’ll immediately claim that he’s a doctor, not an electrician). Scotty, after checking around, realizes that they have no more new light bulbs, and complains that he “canna” see in the dark. Kirk will make an emergency stop at the next uncharted planet, Alpha Regula IV, to procure a light bulb from the natives, who, are friendly, but seem to be hiding something. Kirk, Spock, Bones, Yeoman Rand and two red shirt security officers beam down to the planet, where the two security officers are promply killed by the natives, and the rest of the landing party is captured. As something begins to develop between the Captain and Yeoman Rand, Scotty, back in orbit, is attacked by a Klingon destroyer and must warp out of orbit. Although badly outgunned, he cripples the Klingon and races back to the planet in order to rescue Kirk et. al. who have just saved the natives’ from an awful fate and, as a reward, been given all light bulbs they can carry. The new bulb is then inserted and the Enterprise continues on its five year mission.

“Clonus” Producers File Suit

(via Satellite News)

On Monday, August 8, Robert S. Fiveson and Myrl A. Schreibman, producers of PARTS: THE CLONUS HORROR (seen in episode 811) filed suit in New York claiming DreamWorks and Warner Bros. cribbed their movie for “The Island.” In addition to unspecified financial compensation, Fiveson and Schreibman want “The Island” withdrawn from theaters and any further release barred, reports Daily Variety.

The copyright infringement suit lists 90 instances where the movies are identical. DreamWorks released a statement Tuesday saying, “‘The Island’ does not infringe on anyone’s copyrights.” Warner said it does not comment on pending litigation.

More:

More Idiocy from Rush Limbaugh

(via Eschaton)

Our “favorite” drug addict calls Paul Hackett (a Marine Reservist) a “Civilian affairs staff puke!

And…

Limbaugh on Hackett: “a liberal Democrat” who served in Iraq “to pad the resumé”:

Nationally syndicated radio host Rush Limbaugh repeatedly referred to Iraq war veteran and Democratic congressional candidate Paul Hackett as “another liberal Democrat trying to hide behind a military uniform” and accused him of going to Iraq “to pad the resumé.” Hackett, a Marine Corps veteran, re-enlisted last year. The New York Times reported that “Mr. Hackett spent seven months in Iraq leading a civil affairs unit in Ramadi and Fallujah before returning to Ohio in March.” On August 2, he narrowly lost a special election to Republican Jean Schmidt for Ohio’s 2nd Congressional District seat.

Here’s Hackett’s Response:

That’s typical for that fatass drug addict to come up with something like that. There’s a guy … I didn’t hear this, but actually when I was on drill this weekend, I’ve got to tell you, he lost a lot of Republican supporters with his comments. Because they were coming up to me, telling me, “I can’t believe he said that! Besides that, he called you a soldier. He doesn’t know the difference between a soldier and a marine!”

So generally, the consensus is Rush doesn’t know squat about patriotism. He’s typical of the new Republican. He’s got a lot of lip and he doesn’t walk the walk. The fact of the matter is, I went to Iraq to serve my country. I left my nice house, my nice wife by my choice because I thought it was the right thing to do. And man, if I was good enough to be able to see into the future that Rob Portman was going to step down from Congress, I mean I should actually be running for something a lot more than Congress. I went to Iraq because I wanted to serve my country and be with my Marines.

I think it probably says more about Rush Limbaugh than it does anybody else that he comes up with those thought processes. And I think it’s indicative of today’s Republican party, which is patriotic lite translated to anybody who serves their country who truly who truly serves their country and demonstrates it by their actions as opposed to their flapping gums.

They want to attack us. But the fact of the matter is they can attack me, but I punch back just as hard as I get. Ask Rush how come he wasn’t taking phone calls for the two days when he was on the attack with me. Ask him why his phone lines were clogged up. That’s because he was getting thousands of calls from veterans from this war and other wars who were clogging up his phone lines, giving him an earful.

This one has been around for a long time

I’m sure there are versions of this joke that predate this one…

A businessman flew into Seattle for a meeting. Being somewhat of a bigshot, he was to be ferried from the airport to the meeting by helicopter. However, a thick fog had settled over the city, and the helicopter was soon lost. The pilot flew down into the buildings and hovered beside the window of a highrise, where a woman could be seen working behind a desk. The pilot quickly scribbled a large sign: “where am I?” The woman wrote back: “you’re in a helicopter.”

The pilot smiled, waved, took the helicopter up, turned 24 degrees right, flew two miles, and landed spot-on at the businessman’s meeting site.

“That was amazing,” said the businessman. “How did you do that?”

“Well,” the pilot said, “the information the lady gave me was both 100% correct and 100% useless. So that told me what building it was: Microsoft Tech Support.”

There will be no reason to listen to KMOX

(via KWMU)

ST. LOUIS, MO (2005-08-04) The Post-Dispatch is reporting that the Cardinals will move to KTRS after this season. That means they’ll end their 52 year stint on KMOX.

The KMOX vice president who’s been negotiating for his station told the paper he hasn’t spoken with the team in the past two weeks.

The reason for the move is money. The team or a team owner could buy a stake in KTRS and allow the Cardinals to have more of a say in programming. “For KTRS, they desparately, desparately needed something like this,” say Frank Absher, a Radio historian who runs the St. Louis Radio Hall of Fame. “The station was sinking so fast in the ratings that they were having trouble selling advertising and nobody had given them any credibility in the market.”

KTRS doesn’t have as strong of a signal. That means people in more rural areas might not be able to hear the games as well, unless a local station there buys into the Cardinal radio network.

The Cardinals are the only reason I ever listen to KMOX…

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