Category: Humor

Why did the chicken cross the road?

(via email) Andre Ampere: ‘To keep up with current events.’ Albert Einstein: ‘Did the chicken really cross the road or did the road move beneath the chicken?’ Alexander Graham Bell: ‘To get to the nearest phone.’ Robert Boyle: ‘She had been under too much pressure at home.’ James Watt: ‘It thought it would be a … Continue reading “Why did the chicken cross the road?”

Tee-Hee

(printed by fortune in one of my terminal windows today) Q: Why is it that the more accuracy you demand from an interpolation function, the more expensive it becomes to compute? A: That’s the Law of Spline Demand.

An Apology

(via email & Salon) Having been called names, one looks back at one’s own angry outbursts over the years, and I recall having once referred to Republicans as “hairy-backed swamp developers, fundamentalist bullies, freelance racists, hobby cops, sweatshop tycoons, line jumpers, marsupial moms and aluminum-siding salesmen, misanthropic frat boys, ninja dittoheads, shrieking midgets, tax cheats, … Continue reading “An Apology”

6/6/6 – The day of the beast

These have been around for a long time… 666 – number of the beast 668 – neighbor of the beast DCLXVI – roman numeral of the beast 666.000 – number of the high-precision beast 1010011 – binary number of the beast $665.95 – retail price of the beast $656.66 – Wal-Mart price of the beast … Continue reading “6/6/6 – The day of the beast”

Chicago Court Ruling

(via email)

COURT RULING, Chicago Illinois, May 8, 2006

Chicago, Illinois (AP) – A seven year old boy was at the center of a Chicago courtroom drama yesterday when he challenged a court ruling over who should have custody of him.

The boy has a history of being beaten by his parents and the judge initially awarded custody to his aunt, in keeping with the child custody law and regulations requiring that family unity be maintained to the degree possible.

The boy surprised the court when he proclaimed that his aunt beat him more than his parents and he adamantly refused to live with her. When the judge suggested that he live with his grandparents, the boy cried out that they also beat him.

After considering the remainder of the immediate family and learning that domestic violence was apparently a way of life among them, the Judge took the unprecedented step of allowing the boy to propose who should have custody of him.

After two recesses to check legal references and confer with child welfare officials, the judge granted temporary custody to the Chicago Cubs, who the boy firmly believes are not capable of beating anyone.

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