21 Jan 2026
Never have I encountered such foul, mindless perversity! Have you considered a career in the church?
-- Bishop of Bath and Wells (Blackadder II)
20 Jan 2026
"Creation science" has not entered the curriculum for a reason so simple and so basic that we often forget to mention it: because it is false, and because good teachers understand exactly why it is false. What could be more destructive of that most fragile yet most precious commodity in our entire intellectual heritage -- good teaching -- than a bill forcing honorable teachers to sully their sacred trust by granting equal treatment to a doctrine not only known to be false, but calculated to undermine any general understanding of science as an enterprise?
-- Stephen Jay Gould
19 Jan 2026
Dammit, I'm no supervising technician. I'm a technical supervisor. It's too late to teach this old dog new tricks.
-- Homer J. Simpson
18 Jan 2026
A good bookshop is just a genteel Black Hole that knows how to read.
-- Terry Pratchett (Guards! Guards!)
17 Jan 2026
Once again, your stupidity has killed us!
-- Marco Rodrigo Diaz de Vivar Diego Garcia Marquez
16 Jan 2026
Creationist critics often charge that evolution cannot be tested, and therefore cannot be viewed as a properly scientific subject at all. This claim is rhetorical nonsense.
-- Stephen Jay Gould (Dinosaur in a Haystack)
15 Jan 2026
Melodrama coming from you is about as natural as an oral bowel movement.
-- Randal Graves
14 Jan 2026
If someone were to ask me for a short cut to sensuality, I would suggest he go shopping for a used 427 Shelby-Cobra. But it is only fair to warn you that of the 300 guys who switched to them in 1966, only two went back to women.
-- Mort Sahl
13 Jan 2026
Strange women lying in ponds distributing swords is no basis for a system of government! Supreme executive power is derived by a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical aquatic ceremony!
-- Monty Python
12 Jan 2026
Most rock journalism is people who can't write interviewing people who can't talk for people who can't read.
-- Frank Zappa
11 Jan 2026
The new millennium sucks! What a disappointment! What's the difference between the old millennium and the new millennium? Nothing! It's the same load of crap with a "2" in the front. When I was a kid, I am old enough so that when I was a kid, I looked forward to the new millennium. When I was young, I said, "I'm gonna live through a change! A massive change! Things are gonna be different! Things are gonna be great!" Screwed again! No flying cars! No flying cars!
-- Lewis Black
10 Jan 2026
If you laid all of our laws end to end, there would be no end.
-- Mark Twain
09 Jan 2026
Hey, what's the big deal about going to some building every Sunday? I mean, isn't God everywhere?
-- Homer J. Simpson
08 Jan 2026
The great nations have always acted like gangsters and the small nations like prostitutes.
-- Stanley Kubrick
07 Jan 2026
I have a hobby. I have the world's largest collection of sea shells. I keep it scattered on beaches all over the world. Maybe you've seen some of it.
-- Stephen Wright
06 Jan 2026
Jazz washes away the dust of every day life.
-- Art Blakey
05 Jan 2026
If knowledge can create problems, it is not through ignorance that we can solve them.
-- Isaac Asimov
04 Jan 2026
You see? You see? Your stupid minds! Stupid! Stupid!
-- Eros (Plan 9 from Outer Space)
03 Jan 2026
My religion consists of a humble admiration of the illimitable superior spirit who reveals himself in the slight details we are able to perceive with our frail and feeble mind.
-- Albert Einstein
02 Jan 2026
I'm not a bad guy. I work hard and I love my kids. So why should I spend half my Sunday hearing about how I'm going to Hell?
-- Homer J. Simpson
01 Jan 2026
Is Kreme is really at its best when Krispy? Seems counterintuitive. And gross.
-- Bill Corbett
31 Dec 2025
The future ain't what it used to be.
-- Yogi Berra
30 Dec 2025
It may be that the old astrologers had the truth exactly reversed, when they believed that the stars controlled the destinies of men. The time may come when men control the destinies of stars.
-- Arthur C. Clarke
29 Dec 2025
My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
-- Rodney Dangerfield
28 Dec 2025
I hope life isn't a big joke, because I don't get it.
-- Jack Handey
27 Dec 2025
What's another word for thesaurus?
-- Stephen Wright
26 Dec 2025
Everywhere I go I'm asked if I think the university stifles writers. My opinion is that they don't stifle enough of them. There's many a bestseller that could have been prevented by a good teacher.
-- Flannery O'Connor
25 Dec 2025
One does not need to puzzle long over why religionists hate atheists so venomously. Atheist stir up the suppressed doubts of believers to the point of producing anguish. This is the anguish that incited believers to burn heretics and atheists at the stake in olden times to remove the source of the unsettling, disturbing doubts that plagued the believers.
-- C. W. Dalton (The Right Brain and Religion)
24 Dec 2025
You don't appreciate a lot of stuff in school until you get older. Little things, like being spanked every day by a middle aged woman -- stuff you pay good money for in later life.
-- Emo Philips
23 Dec 2025
Like my parents, I have never been a regular church member or churchgoer. It doesn't seem plausible to me that there is the kind of God who watches over human affairs, listens to prayers, and tries to guide people to follow His precepts -- there is just too much misery and cruelty for that. On the other hand, I respect and envy the people who get inspiration from their religions.
-- Benjamin Spock
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SWISS ALPS, still unable to accept th' idea of TOUCH-TONE DIALING!!