08 Dec 2025
The foundation of morality should not be made dependent on myth nor tied to any authority lest doubt about the myth or about the legitimacy of the authority imperil the foundation of sound judgment and action.
-- Albert Einstein
07 Dec 2025
Equations are the devil's sentences.
-- Stephen Colbert
06 Dec 2025
In my land, women are for advancing the race, not for fighting man's battles.
-- Eros (Plan 9 from Outer Space)
05 Dec 2025
We tune bacause we care.
-- Stan Ridgway (Tuff Sheds and Carrot Cake)
04 Dec 2025
Mmmm, sacrilicious.
-- Homer J. Simpson
03 Dec 2025
Booze takes a dull party and makes it better!
-- Joel Robinson
02 Dec 2025
In real life it is always the anvil that breaks the hammer.
-- George Orwell
01 Dec 2025
Beware of bugs in the above code; I have only proved it correct, not tried it.
-- Donald E. Knuth
30 Nov 2025
Instant gratification takes too long.
-- Carrie Fisher
29 Nov 2025
The universe is a big place, perhaps the biggest.
-- Kilgore Trout
28 Nov 2025
Mr. Pibb is a duplicate of Dr. Pepper, but it's a bullshit duplicate, because it didn't even get its degree.
-- Mitch Hedberg
27 Nov 2025
Sen. Danforth: There is nothing on the face of the album which would notify you if the record has pornographics material or material glorifying violence?
Tipper Gore: No, there is nothing that would suggest that to me.
Frank Zappa: I would say that a buzz saw blade between the guy's legs on the album cover is good indication that it's not for little Johnny.
-- The Senate Commerce Committee hearing on rock lyrics, from The Village Voice, 6 Oct 1985
26 Nov 2025
I'm starting to suspect there's more than one tri-state area.
-- Stephen Colbert
25 Nov 2025
Fishing relaxes me. It's like yoga, except I still get to kill something.
-- Ron Swanson
24 Nov 2025
If life was fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead.
-- Johnny Carson
23 Nov 2025
The Web brings people together because no matter what kind of a twisted sexual mutant you happen to be, you've got millions of pals out there. Type in 'Find people that have sex with goats that are on fire' and the computer will say, 'Specify type of goat.'
-- Richard Jeni
22 Nov 2025
Certainly, in the topsy-turvy world of heavy rock, having a good solid piece of wood in your hand is often useful.
-- Ian Faith
21 Nov 2025
The less I know about other people's affairs, the happier I am. I'm not interested in caring about people. I once worked with a guy for three years and never learned his name. Best friend I ever had. We still never talk sometimes.
-- Ron Swanson
20 Nov 2025
May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.
-- George Carlin
19 Nov 2025
Only women shave beneath the neck.
-- Ron Swanson
18 Nov 2025
I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet.
-- Rodney Dangerfield
17 Nov 2025
Although golf was originally restricted to wealthy, overweight Protestants, today it's open to anybody who owns hideous clothing.
-- Dave Barry
16 Nov 2025
There is no nonsense so arrant that it cannot be made the creed of the vast majority by adequate government action.
-- Bertrand Russell
15 Nov 2025
Any intelligent fool can make things bigger, more complex, and more violent. It takes a touch of genius -- and a lot of courage -- to move in the opposite direction.
-- Albert Einstein
14 Nov 2025
So you got the fax. So why didn't you add it to the résumé? What do you mean? Of course, martial arts training is relevant. Oh, excuse me, I know about a billion Asians that would beg to differ. Yeah, I get a little frustrated when I'm dealing with incompetence! Well, you know what? You can go to hell, too, and I will see you there burning. Fine. Oh, wait, so you'll let me know when you've made a decision?
-- Dwight Kurt Schrute III
13 Nov 2025
When you look at yourself from a universal standpoint, something inside always reminds or informs you that there are bigger and better things to worry about.
-- Albert Einstein
12 Nov 2025
If all else fails, immortality can always be assured by spectacular error.
-- John Kenneth Galbraith
11 Nov 2025
Honesty may be the best policy, but it's important to remember that apparently, by elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy.
-- George Carlin
10 Nov 2025
No, I've framed animals before. I framed a raccoon for opening a Christmas present. And I framed a bear for eating out of the garbage.
-- Dwight Kurt Schrute III
09 Nov 2025
Reality is a bit untrustworthy at the best of times. There are plenty of people who believe that Elvis is alive, or that aliens occasionally land here to do highly personal things to people, or that the whole idea of evolution is a conspiracy of godless scientists. Almost all of these people can vote and some of them have got guns.
-- Terry Pratchett
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