09 Mar 2026
The future is here. It's just not widely distributed yet.
-- William Gibson
08 Mar 2026
The sermon was based on what he claimed was a well-known fact, that there were no Atheists in foxholes. I asked Jack what he thought of the sermon afterwards, and he said, "There's a Chaplain who never visited the front."
-- Kurt Vonnegut Jr.
07 Mar 2026
It was I, you fools! The man you trusted wasn't Wavy Gravy at all! And all this time, I've been smoking harmless tobacco.
-- Charles Montgomery Burns
06 Mar 2026
Better not take a dog on the space shuttle, because if he sticks his head out when you're coming home his face might burn up.
-- Jack Handey
05 Mar 2026
I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up - they have no holidays.
-- Henny Youngman
04 Mar 2026
The argument that the literal story of Genesis can qualify as science collapses on three major grounds: the creationists' need to invoke miracles in order to compress the events of the earth's history into the biblical span of a few thousand years; their unwillingness to abandon claims clearly disproved, including the assertion that all fossils are products of Noah's flood; and their reliance upon distortion, misquote, half-quote, and citation out of context to characterize the ideas of their opponents.
-- Stephen Jay Gould ("The Verdict on Creationism", The Skeptical Inquirer, Winter 87/88, pg. 186)
03 Mar 2026
I went into a clothes store and a lady came up to me and said "if you need anything, I'm Jill." I've never met anyone with a conditional identity before.
-- Demetri Martin
02 Mar 2026
It is a truism that almost any sect, cult, or religion will legislate its creed into law if it acquires the political power to do so.
-- Arthur C. Clarke
01 Mar 2026
There comes a time in the affairs of a man when he has to take the bull by the tail and face the situation.
-- W. C. Fields
28 Feb 2026
They say no man is an island. False! I am an island, and this island is volcanic, and it's about to erupt with the hot molten lava of strategy.
-- Dwight Kurt Schrute III
27 Feb 2026
Many a long dispute among divines may be thus abridged: It is so; It is not so. It is so; it is not so.
-- Benjamin Franklin (Poor Richard's Almanack, 1743)
26 Feb 2026
This is like deja vu all over again.
-- Yogi Berra
25 Feb 2026
... we must counterpose the overwhelming judgment provided by consistent observations and inferences by the thousands. The earth is billions of years old and its living creatures are linked by ties of evolutionary descent. Scientists stand accused of promoting dogma by so stating, but do we brand people illiberal when they proclaim that the earth is neither flat nor at the center of the universe? Science *has* taught us some things with confidence! Evolution on an ancient earth is as well established as our planet's shape and position. Our continuing struggle to understand how evolution happens (the "theory of evolution") does not cast our documentation of its occurrence -- the "fact of evolution" -- into doubt.
-- Stephen Jay Gould, "The Verdict on Creationism", The Skeptical Inquirer, Vol. XII No. 2.
24 Feb 2026
Making the simple complicated is commonplace; making the complicated simple, awesomely simple, that's creativity.
-- Charles Mingus
23 Feb 2026
I gained nothing at all from Supreme Enlightenment, and for that very reason it is called Supreme Enlightenment.
-- Gotama Buddha
22 Feb 2026
A functioning police state needs no police.
-- William S. Burroughs
21 Feb 2026
These go to eleven.
-- Nigel Tufnel
20 Feb 2026
Blow ye winds, like the trumpet blows, but without that noise.
-- Jack Handey
19 Feb 2026
The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There's also a negative side.
-- Hunter S. Thompson
18 Feb 2026
I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.
-- Henny Youngman
17 Feb 2026
The priests used to say that faith can move mountains, and nobody believed them. Today the scientists say that they can level mountains, and nobody doubts them.
-- Joseph Campbell
16 Feb 2026
There are two ways of constructing a software design. One way is to make it so simple that there are obviously no deficiencies and the other is to make it so complicated that there are no obvious deficiencies.
-- Charles Anthony Richard Hoare
15 Feb 2026
Don't start an argument with somebody who has a microphone when you don't. They'll make you look like chopped liver.
-- Harlan Ellison
14 Feb 2026
In the begining there was nothing, and it exploded.
-- Terry Pratchett
13 Feb 2026
Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic.
-- Arthur C. Clarke
12 Feb 2026
When I was a child, the other children in my neighborhood would taunt me, calling me "noodle-head" or "neo-Calvinist" So I would run after them, but lucky for them the chain would snap tight and pull me back.
-- Emo Philips
11 Feb 2026
Some men are born mediocre, some men achieve mediocrity, and some men have mediocrity thrust upon them.
-- Joseph Heller (Catch-22)
10 Feb 2026
A thing is not necessarily true because a man dies for it.
-- Oscar Wilde (The Portrait of Mr. W.H.)
09 Feb 2026
Once I got poison ivy on my brain and the only way I could scratch it was to think about sandpaper.
-- Stephen Wright
08 Feb 2026
Turkey can never beat cow.
-- Ron Swanson
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