Some Advice for Howard Dean

(via August J. Pollak)

Things Howard Dean can do to look more “presidential”:

  • Announce proudly that no president has ever done as much as him for human rights.
  • Dress up in a crotch-accentuating flight suit and land a jet on an aircraft carrier.
  • Brag repeatedly about a sub-standard college grade point average.
  • Get arrested for public rowdiness at a football game.
  • Attempt to recite a clich√© adage at a press conference and promptly forget how it goes in the middle of saying it.
  • Mount, and promptly fall off, an unpowered Segway scooter.
  • Drop his dog in front of cameras.
  • Consistently mispronounce the word “nuclear.”
  • Condescendingly mock the upcoming execution of a death row inmate.
  • Trade away Sammy Sosa.
  • Choke on pretzel bits to the point of losing balance and bruising his head.
  • Attend a public event in which Stevie Wonder is performing and wave to him from the balcony.

OK – the last one is likely a UL

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