Inaugural Schedule

(via the Ironic Times)

6-9 AM: Citizens along the parade route are interrogated and strip searched.
10:00 AM: Attorney General John Ashcroft leads the Abu Ghraib Tabernacle Choir in “Onward Christian Soldiers.”
10:30 AM: Colin Powell interrogated and strip searched.
11:00 AM: All Iraqi election officials granted asylum, interrogated and strip searched.
Noon: Dick Cheney sworn in, exorcised.
1:00 PM: Grand jury investigating Tom DeLay sent to Guantanamo for questioning.
2:00 PM: U.S. Poet Laureate reads “Oh Captain, My Captain,” specially rewritten as a tribute to Ken Lay.
3:00 PM: The “Getting Tough on Corporate Crime” float, featuring Martha Stewart in stocks, passes reviewing stand.
4:00 PM: Bush takes oath, gives speech, “Ask Not What Your Country Can Do to You, When the Only Thing You Have to Fear is Your Country, Itself.”
5-Midnight: Pharmaceutical Industry Soiree, Energy Industry Banquet, Insurance Companies Gala, U. S. Chamber of Commerce Bacchanal.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.