(via the Ironic Times)
6-9 AM: – Citizens along the parade route are interrogated and strip searched. 10:00 AM: – Attorney General John Ashcroft leads the Abu Ghraib Tabernacle Choir in “Onward Christian Soldiers.” 10:30 AM: – Colin Powell interrogated and strip searched. 11:00 AM: – All Iraqi election officials granted asylum, interrogated and strip searched. Noon: – Dick Cheney sworn in, exorcised. 1:00 PM: – Grand jury investigating Tom DeLay sent to Guantanamo for questioning. 2:00 PM: – U.S. Poet Laureate reads “Oh Captain, My Captain,” specially rewritten as a tribute to Ken Lay. 3:00 PM: – The “Getting Tough on Corporate Crime” float, featuring Martha Stewart in stocks, passes reviewing stand. 4:00 PM: – Bush takes oath, gives speech, “Ask Not What Your Country Can Do to You, When the Only Thing You Have to Fear is Your Country, Itself.” 5-Midnight: – Pharmaceutical Industry Soiree, Energy Industry Banquet, Insurance Companies Gala, U. S. Chamber of Commerce Bacchanal.