Geek Pick-up Lines

(via Musings of a Philosophical Scrivener)

Too bad I didn’t know these when I was single…

Geek Pick-up Lines

  1. Tell me of this thing you humans call… [dramatic pause here] love.
  2. If you turn me down now, I will become more drunk than you can possibly imagine.
  3. They don’t call me Bones because I’m a doctor.
  4. Your name is Leslie? Look, I can spell your name on my calculator!
  5. What’s a nice girl like you doing in a wretched hive of scum and villany like this?
  6. You must be Windows 95 because you gots me so unstable.
  7. My ‘up-time’ is better than BSD.
  8. I can tell by your emoticons that you’re looking for some company.
  9. Is that an iPod mini in your pocket or are you just happy to see me.
  10. Want to see my Red Hat?
  11. If you won’t let me buy you a drink, at least let me fix your laptop.

Republican National Convention Schedule

(via email)

6:00pm – Opening prayer
6:15pm – Supplementary opening prayer
6:30pm – Prayer in thanks of first two prayers
6:45pm – Summary of administration’s energy policy (presented by Exxon)
7:00pm – Canonization of Reagan
7:15pm – Additional prayers
7:30pm – Opening remarks (presented by Halliburton)
8:00pm – Prayer for the safety and well-being of Ken “Kenny-boy” Lay
8:15pm – Additional remarks (presented by Halliburton)
8:30pm – Stoning of the first homosexual
8:45pm – New healthcare polices (presented by HMO leader, Kaiser Permanente)
9:00pm – Invasion of Iran or North Korea (TBA)
9:15pm – Halliburton contributes 1.4 billion to Republican party
9:30pm – Reagan elevated to savior, Holy Trinity now referred to as “the quads”
9:45pm – Bush undergoes plastic surgery to look more like Reagan
10:00pm – Cheney runs into Ron Reagan, Jr., tells him to go f*ck himself
10:15pm – Recall of troops from accidental invasion of South Korea (Bush: “Damn, the SOUTH is our ally.)
10:30pm – Burning at the stake of 16 year-old Jenny Williams, who had an illegal abortion after being raped by her cousin
10:45pm – Dancing around the golden calf
11:00pm – Stoning of the partner of the first homosexual
11:15pm – New forestry policy (presented by Weyerhauser)
11:45pm – Thanking God for his wisdom in choosing Bush as president
12:00pm – Closing prayers (lasting until 2:00am)
2:00am – Hookers arrive for all delegates

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