COURT RULING, Chicago Illinois, May 8, 2006
Chicago, Illinois (AP) – A seven year old boy was at
the center of a Chicago courtroom drama yesterday
when he challenged a court ruling over who should
have custody of him.
The boy has a history of being beaten by his parents
and the judge initially awarded custody to his aunt,
in keeping with the child custody law and
regulations requiring that family unity be
maintained to the degree possible.
The boy surprised the court when he proclaimed that
his aunt beat him more than his parents and he
adamantly refused to live with her. When the judge
suggested that he live with his grandparents, the
boy cried out that they also beat him.
After considering the remainder of the immediate
family and learning that domestic violence was
apparently a way of life among them, the Judge took
the unprecedented step of allowing the boy to
propose who should have custody of him.
After two recesses to check legal references and
confer with child welfare officials, the judge
granted temporary custody to the Chicago Cubs, who
the boy firmly believes are not capable of beating
(via email) See the dark side of Superman at Superdickery.com. Here are some of my favorites: Superman adopts Jimmy Olsen King of the Earth The Time Telescope
(via email) Inspirational Linux Posters:
New Rule: George Bush has to stop laughing at himself. When you’re incompetence literally costs lives, giggling at it isn’t cute or funny. You know, there’s a guy who’s been running around the country pretending he’s the president, and I believe his name is George Bush. And he wants everyone to know that he doesn’t … Continue reading “When you’re incompetence literally costs lives, giggling at it isn’t cute or funny”
New Rule: Keep Jesus out of strip clubs. A former dancer from Las Vegas has founded “JC’s Girls,” a ministry that brings the healing power of the Lord directly to America’s strip clubs and adult businesses. Do you people have to ruin everything? You’ve got the White House, the Congress, the Supreme Court. Can’t you … Continue reading “Do you people have to ruin everything?”
Stephen Colbert – 2006 White House Correspondents Dinner:
New Rule: When you marry Charlie Sheen, don’t be surprised when he turns out to be Charlie Sheen! We are talking about a guy who paid hookers by check. Marrying Charlie Sheen and getting mad he’s a freak, is like electing two shills from the oil industry and getting mad when the price of gas … Continue reading “Don’t be surprised”
But, listen, let’s review the rules. Here’s how it works. The president makes decisions, he’s the decider. The press secretary announces those decisions, and you people of the press type those decisions down. Make, announce, type. Put them through a spell check and go home. Get to know your family again. Make love to your … Continue reading “Here’s how it works”
So the white house has personnel changes. Then you write they’re just rearranging the deck chairs on the Titanic. First of all, that is a terrible metaphor. This ships not sinking. This administration is soaring. If anything, they are rearranging the deck chairs on the Hindenburg… — Stephen Colbert (White House Correspondent’s Dinner: April 29, … Continue reading “Deck Chairs”
You know what I like most about the NCAA Basketball Tournament? Sixty-three losers. — George Carlin